It’s kind of like a Pierce Brosnan James Bond plot mixed with Michael Bay’s excesses and then watered down so as to become totally forgettable.īryce and the Kincaids’ role in this head-scratching scheme is convoluted, as is Frank Grillo’s special agent character, Bobby O’Neill, who spends the whole movie begging to be transferred back to Boston from London while referring to his Scottish female translator as “Sean Connery.” Sonia Kincaid (Salma Hayek) is the high-energy wife of hitman Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. The EU has put sanctions on Greece for some reason, so a rich countryman ( Antonio Banderas, looking and sounding about as Greek as Suzanne Somers) decides to infect Europe’s internet grid with a virus that will destroy cars, trains, buildings and more in revenge.

(Like I said, she’s the most entertaining of the lot).įor such an idiotic film, the villainy afoot is mighty difficult to wrap your head around. He whines and squeals while Jackson rattles off “s–t”s and “f–k”s and Hayek shimmies around making emotional pronouncements. Reynolds’ high-pitched nerd shtick has worn thin in general over the years, and here his squeaky voice would be better suited to scaring away pigeons in a parking garage. She needs Bryce’s help to save her husband Darius Kincaid (Jackson), the hitman, from his captors. ©Lions Gate/Courtesy Everett CoĪs soon as he arrives in Italy, though, his hotel pool is laid siege by gunmen (naturally) and he’s rescued by Sonia Kincaid (Hayek), the hitman’s wife. Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) reads “The Secret” in Italy while his hotel is being attacked. His agonized therapist gets rid of the weirdo by telling him he’s “graduated” from their sessions and jets him off to the island of Capri for some R&R. Reynolds plays Michael Bryce, the ninny bodyguard, who was so traumatized by the events of the first movie that he’s been forced into therapy. Jackson and Ryan Reynolds are, respectively, coasting and unbearable.

There are so many, and I’m no mathematician.Īnd yet, somehow Hayek and the low-brow material she’s been regrettably handed are the best part of this unwanted, unnecessary sequel to the also-bad 2017 buddy cop film “ The Hitman’s Bodyguard.” Her returning co-stars Samuel L. The answer to the question “How many jokes can Salma Hayek crack about her own breasts?” has arrived in the form of a movie called “The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard.” Somebody else will have to add them up, though. Rated R (strong bloody violence throughout, pervasive language and some sexual content).

The hitmans bodyguard release date